Career Dilemma

Going back to school was no easy matter. I went back and forth with myself for years, I even went and signed up for a class in 2013 just to see if I really wanted to go back but I got scared when I was told by an advisor that none of my classes from the online college I went to in 2008 would transfer over, hearing that made me so mad that I didn’t attend the class I signed up for. I was too worried about starting over and the two years it would take to finish that I psyched myself out. In 2016 I was so over my dead end jobs and part time this and that. I was working two part time jobs that still wasn’t adding up to full time hours so I took my behind to the registration office of my local community college and I signed up for three classes. I wanted to start off slow but I wanted to make sure that this is what I really wanted so I signed up for all major related classes, no basics like English or math.

Fast forward to August of 2019 and I’ve just finished my two summer classes (literally yesterday) and I am feeling to uninspired to even finish my degree. I have had this feeling for a while which is why I opted out of the three semesters prior to taking summer classes. I told myself I just needed a break, and three semesters later I talked myself into just finishing, I mean at this point I’m more then half way done so why not? I have always wrestled with what I wanted to be when I grew up but I always had my three favorites, a hairdresser, a writer and a nurse. I loved getting my hair done when I was younger, my grandma use to wash and press my hair in her kitchen almost every Sunday, when she was done I would sit in the mirror and spin around just to watch my hair fly all over my head. I remember telling my grandma that I wanted to make girls hair pretty the same way she made mines pretty. As I got older and being as though I had a child to support I didn’t think being a hairdresser was the best idea I mean lets be honest when times get hard people cut out the things they need the least. Writing was like my best friend growing up, I used to read books then rewrite the endings that I didn’t like. I also wrote poems and short stories that I used to pass around to classmates in high school. But I was no English major and when I wrote a story it was mostly me jotting down all the things that was in my head I didn’t need any commas or proper sentence formations. Writing was fun for me and doing it professionally would open me up to critics that would pick my work apart and end my love for sharing my stories. I found my love of nursing when I use to go with my aunt to work on take your daughter to work days, I loved watching her interactions with her patients and all the kindness everyone showed her, in my eyes she had the best job. At the time in my life that I wanted to go to school for nursing I couldn’t find any schools with classes that would work around my daughters schedule, and all the classes I did find was campus based (no online) so I settled for Human Services instead. I figured if I stayed with something in the medical field that I would later on be able to switch over to nursing with no problems.

So my dilemma is whether I should finish my degree and continue to rack up student loans on something I no longer feel inspired towards or if I should start all over with the career I really wanted to do in the first place. I know that both careers are very rewarding but I also feel that if I don’t go after the career I really want I will never be happy in any job.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read my thoughts.

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#NationalMiddleChildDay

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National Middle Child Day

Each year on August 12th, National Middle Child Day is observed across the United States. This day gives special recognition to the middle child or children. In the family It is believed by many that birth order plays a pivotal role in the personalities of children. The “Middle Child Syndrome” states that the firstborn is often the leader and the role-player while the youngest one is always considered the baby of the family, therefore, leaving the middle child without a special “role”.

National Middle Children’s Day was created by Elizabeth Walker in the 1980’s.

Www.nationaldaycalendar.com

#NationalMiddleChildDay

I myself am a middle child but I am also the oldest girl so I didn’t get to experience that “invisible”/”left out” feeling that is said to happen to the middle child/children in the family. I was too busy cooking, cleaning, babysitting, and helping my younger sister with her homework to feel invisible.

I first found out about the different national days while looking up things to add to a newsletter I was looking to start for my family and friends. How fitting for the day I decided to post my first official blog post to be a day that celebrated me (and the million other middle children of the world).

So if you are a middle child like me take a picture heck take ten and post them to all of your social media sites and don’t forget to add the hashtag

#NationalMiddleChildDay to join me and the rest of the middle children of the world in celebrating ourselves, after all it is our day.

Interviewing Myself

November 5, 2017, this is the day I turned 30. I came up with a fun idea of interviewing myself on my thoughts and concerns about turning 30 and just life in general and while it was kinda weird (because during this interview I actually talked to myself as if i was really being interviewed by a person that was not me) I had fun doing it, anyway here it goes.

(Note to all: this self interview was previously written and had to be revised and shortened).

So what does turning 30 mean to you?

Old, for me turning 30 means that I am old. There’s no turning back. Fun is limited and games should no longer exist in your life. Okay so you are still able to have fun and you can play a game or two but for me turning 30 means it’s time to get super serious about life and get it together if you haven’t already.

What do you mean by “get it together”?

For me turning thirty is scary, as of right now I am nowhere near where I thought I would be. We all have preconceived notions of our lives and what we want to do with it but sometimes life throws us a curveball and nine times out of ten that curveball is wicked fast and leaves you flat on your ass. Get it together can mean anything it really depends on the person. For me get it together means buying a house, finishing my degree (finally), and as embarrassing as it is to say dating.

Why is dating embarrassing?

For me to be 30 and dating is embarrassing because as I said previously, we all have our own opinions on where we should be in life by the time we reach a certain age. For me I thought I would be married with a white picket fence by now. So being 30 and dating is nerve wrecking for me. Who wants to be 30 still asking guys their favorite color or if they prefer fruit loops over fruity pebbles?

What are your concerns if any about turning 30?

My number 1 concern is being alone. It’s a proven fact that people find love in their 30s hell even later than that but for me I feel like my time is running out. I don’t know why I do but I put a time limit on things and it sticks with me so once that limit is close or overdue I freak out. As crazy as it sounds I put a time limit on finding “the one” and the due date is quickly approaching. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not rushing it and in no way am I desperate, hell I’m not even talking to anyone but i do feel like the process in which to find a suitable mate is easier than i am willing to admit. If i make myself feel like it’s unachievable than i have an excuse to procrastinate.

Why are you procrastinating on finding “the one”?

I have a certain someone in my heart that I am not willing to let go of just yet. When you sit down with someone and plan out your lives together and things don’t go as planned but then you get a second chance to make that love work and you’re finally getting it together you have a blueprint of what’s going to happen then it once again goes to shit, it’s hard to get over, it takes time to get over. I’m still in my getting over it phase.

What are your short term goals for your first year in your 30s?

Honestly finishing school, moving back to Philadelphia, and continuing to raise my kids are my only goals right now. I consider the first two short term goals because we will be moving in august of 2018 so that’s happening in my first year of my 30s and I’m looking to be done school at the end of this year, the third goal is a long time forever goal but it’s worked on daily so it’s kind of a little of both.

You mentioned not being where you wanted to be, are there any safeguards put in place this go around to ensure that you won’t fail at getting to the finish line?

Usually I keep things to myself so that if I fail none is the wiser (I’m pretty sure that’s how that saying goes) but I’m learning that telling the positive people in my life about my plans keeps me motivated and it keeps people on my ass with consistent questions and reminders of what needs to be done so that I can make it to the finish line.

Are there any people in your life right now that you feel like would be negative and try to discourage you from completing your goals?

There are people who I used to be close with, who are negative in general but I have learned to feed them with a long ended spoon. I keep my distance only communicating when I feel it necessary if at all.

So it seems like you have a lot on your plate, you have kids, you’re in school and you work full time. When do you have time for fun or time for yourself in general?

Fun is not something that I have on a daily basis. My life right now is mainly work, school, kids, and any sleep I can get but there are days when I splurge on my favorite Starbucks drink or when I go and get my nails done. As for me-time, whenever I can get my eight year old to sleep in her own bed, that’s all the me-time I need for right now.

New year; New adventure!!!

I wouldn’t call myself adventurous but I do plan to embrace my 30s and live a little. I do plan to start dating (eventually) and I do want to go out into the world and have fun. Focus on me a little, be selfish , and just live. I just want to live.

 

Welcome to my world

When I first thought about writing a blog I started to research other blogs to see what was out there. At this time vloggers were on the up and coming. I am too chicken shit to walk around the malls, grocery stores and doctors office holding a camera up to my face while talking into it so that was never an option for me but I have loved writing since I was a kid. I am a very private person and I hate to bring up anything I’m doing or thinking about doing unless I’m 100% sure I can get it done successfully. So after researching blogs I decided that I had to put the time into creating my own. I signed up for a free blog through WordPress and then I researched how to set up a background for my blog. I was so excited to get started and get my thoughts written down so that I could share them that i decided to enlist the help of a friend. After telling my friend that I wanted to write a blog and I needed her help with the design I was met with these discouraging words. “who the hell reads anymore” and “since when do black folks write blogs”. After that conversation and due to unforeseen events happening I had to put my blog on the back burner But now I’m back and ready to be heard.